Pastors Aren’t Alone… But Many Are Lonely (And That’s a Threat to Sustainability)

There’s a quiet pain many ministry leaders carry—one that rarely gets discussed publicly, and even more rarely gets addressed intentionally.

Barna recently published an important piece titled “Inside the Friendship Gap for Pastors” (Jan. 13, 2026), highlighting something many pastors already feel in their bones: the emotional isolation that can come with leadership.

THE FRIENDSHIP GAP IS REAL

Barna’s research reveals several sobering realities:

• Many pastors report strong marriages, with 76% saying it is “very true” that their spouse is their best friend.

• Yet two in five pastors still report feeling lonely or isolated.

• Only one in three pastors say they have someone outside of their church they can truly confide in about personal matters.

• Pastors score lowest in relational well-being—67/100—even while scoring higher in faith, vocation, and finances.

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Barna’s CEO, David Kinnaman, frames it plainly: pastoral ministry is a role that can be high on stress and responsibility—and yet can be quite isolating.

And I want to say this clearly:

Isolation is not a personality issue. It’s not a spiritual failure. It’s a leadership risk factor.

LONELINESS DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE WEAK

Loneliness isn’t always about being alone. Pastors are surrounded by people constantly—yet can still feel unseen, unsupported, and unsafe to be fully known.

Many leaders feel pressure to:

• stay strong

• stay positive

• stay spiritually “up”

• stay publicly composed

• carry burdens without processing them

But that’s not sustainable.

Barna calls this a red flag for long-term sustainability in leadership, and they’re right. If leaders don’t have healthy, safe relational support systems, the long-term outcomes are predictable: emotional shutdown, compassion fatigue, reactive leadership, depression, secret sin, or simply quitting.

HERE’S THE TWIST: PASTORS ASK FOR HELP WHERE THEY’RE ALREADY STRONG

One of Barna’s most revealing insights is this:

Even though pastors score lowest in relationships, they are most likely to say they need help with:

• leadership development (57%)

• spiritual growth

• finances

…but only 28% say they would most benefit from resources related to relationships.

That’s not just a data point. That’s a diagnostic.

It means many pastors may not realize relational health is where the cracks are forming—until the whole structure starts shaking.

HOW BHKM HELPS PASTORS CLOSE THE FRIENDSHIP GAP AND LEAD SUSTAINABLY

At Building His Kingdom Ministries (BHKM), we exist to help leaders flourish—not by performing better, but by becoming healthier, stronger, wiser, and more supported.

Barna’s article is one of the clearest public validations of what we already know privately:

Pastors don’t just need more ministry tools. They need safe support systems and sustainable leadership frameworks.

Here are four key ways BHKM helps.

1. LEADERSHIP TRAINING THAT BUILDS STRENGTH WITHOUT BURNING YOU OUT

Most pastors were trained to preach, teach, counsel, and shepherd. But very few were trained to lead sustainably.

BHKM provides leadership development that addresses:

• decision fatigue and constant demand

• navigating criticism and expectations

• conflict management and leadership presence

• systems that reduce chaos and increase peace

• delegation, empowerment, and team clarity

• healthy communication rhythms

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This is not “CEO coaching.” This is Kingdom leadership training—strong, wise, grounded, and spiritually faithful.

2. A TRUSTED CONFIDANT OUTSIDE OF THE CHURCH

One of the most painful realities in ministry is this: Pastors often feel they can’t be honest with the very people they serve.

Not because their church is bad—but because leadership simply changes relational dynamics. Sheep need shepherds. And while church members can care deeply, they are rarely equipped to hold pastoral burdens without it affecting trust, perception, or stability.

Barna found that only one-third of pastors have someone outside the church they can confide in. That is not enough.

BHKM provides something many leaders desperately need:

• a safe, understanding, spiritually grounded confidant

• someone who understands ministry culture

• someone who can help you process without panicking

• someone who doesn’t need you to perform

• someone who won’t weaponize your honesty

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This is one of the greatest gifts a leader can have: a place to be human.

3. FINANCIAL SKILL-BUILDING FOR MINISTRY STABILITY

   
   

Money pressure quietly crushes many leaders.

Some are underpaid. Some carry debt. Some never learned financial systems. Others are simply exhausted by the financial unpredictability that often comes with ministry life.

BHKM helps pastors grow in:

• budgeting and planning

• debt elimination strategies

• sustainability and long-term stability

• financial leadership in the church context

• building personal and family financial health without guilt

Financial stability is not worldly. It’s protective. It reduces panic decisions, emotional volatility, and desperation leadership.

A stable leader is often a safer leader.

4. COPING TOOLS FOR BALANCING RELATIONSHIPS AND MINISTRY

BHKM helps leaders navigate what Barna highlighted as one of the most dangerous gaps: relational wellness.

Ministry can take everything if you let it.

We help leaders build sustainable rhythms for:

• marriage and family connection

• friendships and trusted support

• emotional regulation and recovery

• boundaries that protect love rather than diminish it

• healthy identity separation (you are not your role)

• resilient spiritual formation

Because if your relationships collapse, ministry success becomes hollow.

We’re not aiming for pastors who can merely survive their calling. We’re aiming for pastors who can endure joyfully.

PASTORAL LONELINESS IS A WARNING LIGHT — NOT A LIFE SENTENCE

If you’re a pastor reading this and quietly thinking:

• “I feel lonely, even though I’m around people.”

• “I can’t be honest with anyone.”

• “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”

• “I love ministry, but I’m not okay.”

• “I don’t want to burn out.”

Then hear me clearly:

You are not failing. You are carrying something too heavy without enough support.

And that can change.

BHKM is here to help you lead, heal, and last.If you want confidential coaching, leadership development, financial skill-building, and relational sustainability support—reach out.

Your calling matters. Your soul matters. Your family matters. And longevity matters.

You don’t have to do it alone.

SOURCE: Barna Group, “Inside the Friendship Gap for Pastors” (Jan. 13, 2026)https://www.barna.com/trends/pastors-friendship-gap/